There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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