Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
