im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
