i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
