i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
