yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A+ Viking dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
