Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my liver is dry heaving
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
