i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
