True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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