Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
