Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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