Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize