Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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