She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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