I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
