I'm really into asian looking animals
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
