I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
