Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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