She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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