i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
