Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
