Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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