I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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