all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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