I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
