She's JV to your varsity
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize