Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
