Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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