i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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