Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
