If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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