It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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