you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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