my mouth tastes like poor choices
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I faked an abortion last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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