I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
