these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
