So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
