I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
