I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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