i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
