Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
