Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
