She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
