im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
