Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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