I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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