Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
