Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
