so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize