Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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