yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
