Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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