Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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