one might say we're banned from that church
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
