Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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