Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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