I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
