I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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