I want you more than these girls want KFC
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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