forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
