So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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