operation harelip BJ is a go
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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