im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
