It was confusing and full of hummus
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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