When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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