That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
