I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
