I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
